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When it comes to parenting, I can easily give a long list of things I believe I'm doing wrong. But, I've decided to start looking at my parenting skills from the bright side. It's true that no parent is perfect, and it's also true that we should try our best to improve as much as possible and become better parents. That being said, we shouldn't forget to also give ourselves credit for the good we do. Being always negative can lead to stress, depression, and WORSE parenting. If you're happy and positive, you're more likely to make your children happy. Happy mom, happy home.
I'm usually quite negative about my parenting skills and always criticise myself. I often think that I'm the worse parent there can be and wish I could be a worthy parent to my children. I've realized that being so negative helps NO one! Yes, it may temporarily humble me and look for ways to improve, but ultimately, it just stresses me out and the circle continues. I've noticed that when I acknowledge that some things need to change while still appreciating the good that I do as a parent, it encourages me to be a BETTER parent. It energizes me, makes me grateful to Allah for choosing me as the mother of my children, and keeps me going stronger! I believe that it's important for parents to do the same. Appreciate your parenting skills. I've thought of few things I believe make me a good mother to my children and would like to share some of them.
Quality Time
From the moment they were born, spending lots of cuddle times is something I've always enjoyed. While cuddling, I sometimes talk to them, just stare at them while rubbing their back, listen to them, read to them, listen to the Qur'an together, or anything else that comes to mind. As my daughter grew up, we read more books together, discussed various topics, and did (still do) research by watching videos about different animals. She has a very curious mind, Allahumma baarik, so she always asks very detailed and specific questions. When I don't know the answer, I simply tell her, and we start researching. Our quality time has definitely left a positive impact on both of us. We both love it!
Teaching
I took it upon myself to educate my children because I strongly believe that it's primarily my responsibility. I make lots of research by collecting educational resources and by making my own as well. I try my best to adjust what I make to my daughter's learning style and to our Muslim lifestyle.
Positive Words
I appreciate the fact that no matter how angry I get, I never call my children names. I know how it feels to be called names, even unintentionally, so I decided not to fall into that hole. Alhamdulillah, it has been working out great. The few times I heard my daughter say words like 'naughty, rude, bad, etc,' I knew automatically that she had heard them from outside while playing with other kids. And of course, I told her not to say such words and explained why she shouldn't.
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I appreciate the fact that no matter what our children do, such as coloring, drawing, first steps, first words, my husband and I become overjoyed and show our support. This builds confidence in them and encourages them to do more.
Being a Muslimah
I try my best to be the best Muslimah I can be. The point here is not about being the "ideal Muslim mother," but the fact that I'm trying helps my children. Through the struggles, ups, and downs, being a Muslimah is the best thing I could ever offer to my children. Why? Because children learn more by observation than by what they're told to do. And of course, I aspire for them to be much better Muslims, take the good, and leave the bad. Although my daughter is still little, I still let her know that I'm a human being and not everything I do is what should be done. It's NOT my way or the high way! I'm ready to learn from her just as much as she learns from me. She has taught me a lot and continues to teach me so much about myself, life, and the wonderful creations of Allah.
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Becoming a parent is one of the biggest blessings Allah has offered me. I do not take it for granted, and I'm ready to improve and be the best mother I can be. But through it all, I've decided to start appreciating the good that I do as a mother. The reason is to encourage myself, get out of the semi-depressing mindset that only keeps me behind, fully appreciate the abilities Allah has given me, be grateful, and continue to strive for the best! All credits ultimately go back to Allah because without the will of Allah, we wouldn't even be able to move a finger. Our ability to love, care for, or even be present is still from Allah. So appreciate your parenting skills; appreciate the mother/parent of your children!
Alhamdulillah
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